Win is a ....

....horrible word when it comes to art.
that's what i was told
by a friend....artist.

i participated in a competition
needless to say, i didn't "win"
no grand prize for me

nevertheless, i had a great time participating.
another strange thing about it
was the location...
the place of the competition.
Another person in my life
took "a step" forward in his artistic career
in the same theater.
funny that i should be standing
on the same stage
as i took this "step" forward.

i was nervous ......
from the morning of the competition
to a couple of minutes before my Turn.
However, when it was my Turn
the anxiety vanished...rapidly.....
no trace of it anywhere
the last drop drained from my body
i hit the stage.....with confidence...
and relaxed.

but i knew
i wouldn't win
as i sat there
listening to the other poets who read before me.

my work was too
different
short
not "emotional"...."traumatic".... enough
but i was proud of my work
i was proud to show the crowd something -
Different

but i did sit there thinking -
i should have submitted a longer poem
and
how can i manipulate my "reading" to
win
but i wasn't going to give in to some "gimmick"
to increase my chances of winning...because
it - I - would feel fake.
i was happy to have the chance to read for a large crowd...
a crowd who normally might not hear/read my work.
my words were given a chance to live that night
instead of sitting on a page
where no one visits them.

my poems will find a home.....
will find a place....
will find eyes & ears who will welcome them.

i walked away that night, thinking,
i like my style... i want to work on "my style"....not his or her style

i enjoy being,
different,
me.