Regrets of the Jungle

How could I have been so careless? The thought races in my delirious mind as the sweat drips down my face and body. How could I have been so careless? Me - careless - Ms. Attention-to-details..... my medical education and OSHA training taught me better. I should have known better, but I talked myself into thinking it was an ordinary virus. One of the several hundreds which wreak havoc on mankind from season to season. They challenge our immune systems but in the end we win after a 5 or 7 day battle within. However, this time, I'm the loser in the battle.

Now I lie here alone in the jungle, trying to recount my steps. Four days in the jungle....Four days ago in the jungle, I blindly began my destruction. I unknowingly smuggled in an Ebola-like virus to the people I came in contact with. Oblivious to the damage I was creating with each hello, with each handshake. With guilt, I lie coughing up blood, trying to remember the faces I saw those four days. The faces of those I infected, the ones I sent to an early grave. How could I have been so careless? Was it an erroneous belief that I was invincible - invincible to these pesky viruses? Just another virus which I will overcome in a few days with my state-of-the-art immune system - my kickass American immune system. Fools die young. I made the journey to help the impoverished and medically underserved population. Now, I realize the only thing I brought to this region was death, oozing from my pores. Forgive me for being so foolish.....for being so careless. Will I be able to write down all the names before I die? If I leave the list of the infected, maybe someone will be able to control the contagion. I have failed. It is time to find out if heaven and hell really exist......


**inspired by my own battle with Group A streptococcus....